T E X T F I L E S

Sex, Sex Humor and Sexuality

Here are all files dealing with that most universal of concepts: Sex. This

was obviously at the foremost of many a young mind using BBSes. Perhaps

surprising (or not at all), sexual activity was kind of ancilliary to the

whole online experience, since what impressed people was what you could

accomplish online, not in bed. But the longings of adolescents everywhere

is evident in all sorts of files written during this period.

Probably the most humorous files were the "Sex Guides", purporting to be

tracts that would guarantee sexual activity for all those who read them,

and obviously written by people who had never or seldom experienced

any activity themselves.

Besides the erotic stories, dirty jokes, and the Purity Tests (which are

an event in themselves), you can find articles and information about

sexually transmitted diseases, and other health issues, which are

informative about living a good life after you get over this "have sex

with anything that says yes" phase.

A small site note:

Obviously, with any web site mentioning sex and sexual activites, you're

guaranteed hit upon hit as people looking for some sort of "dirty pictures"

or erotic enlightment stumble upon your poor text-only page. To those people,

I take their time to say <A HREF="http://www.textfiles.com/support">"Buy a

T-shirt"</A>. Thank you.

EROTICA

Erotic Writings, Stories, Narratives, and Just Plain Smut

052496h1.txt

Who, Really, is At Risk of Acquiring AIDS? By Maggie Gallagher (May 24, 1996)

500pure.txt

The Unisex, Omnisexual PURITY TEST, Version 4.0, Final Release

808-cass.txt

Cassandra's Adventure, by 808 State (1991)

808-laid.txt

How to Get Laid on the First Date by 808 State (1991)

808-lust.txt

Lust in the Chapel by 808 State (1991)

808-next.txt

The Next Door Neighbour, by 808 State (1991)

808-ppro.txt

Partytown Pro, by 808 State (1991)

808-rebe.txt

Rebellion, by 808 State (1991)

808-spoi.txt

The Spoilt Brat, by 808 State (1991)

9_types_.gir

The 9 Types of Boyfriends and Girlfriends, from Matt Groening

a-p_fone.txt

Erotica: The Telephone

a-scene.txt

A Scene, by theClone (1991)

a_friend.txt

A Friend in Need, by Phil Phantom

a_guide_.wom

A Guide to Love and Sex for Today's Young Women

a_ride.txt

A Ride, by Anonymous (Threesome)

a_swap.txt

A Swap, by Anonymous (Threesome)

aacockpt.txt

An American Airlines Cockpit, by M.A. Mohanraj (Threesome)

aaden.txt

Aaden's Revenge by Elf Mathieu (1994)

aadendnc.txt

Aaden's Dance, by Elf Mathieu Sternberg (1994)

abbs9302.txt

Norman Brown's Consolidated List of AIDS/HIV Bulletin Boards 1 February 1993

abusebib.txt

Bibliography for Adult Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse and Their Allies

adam.gph

The Pirate's Cove Erotic Poem "Adam and Eve"

affectio.txt

Cultivating Affection in Your Marriage, by Willard F. Harley Jr., Ph. D. 1987

aids-war.txt

AIDS as a Weapon of War by Dr. William Campbell Douglas, M.D.

aids.mar

The AIDS Mary Urban Legend, and a Variation

aids.sg

Understanding AIDS, a message from the Surgeon General

aids.txt

Who's Making Money Out of AIDS? by Steve Painter

aids02.txt

AIDS: Spread Facts, not Fear

aids10.txt

Conspiracy Theories regarding Government Creation of the AIDS Virus

aids2.txt

Extremely Large AIDS "Facts" File. Conclusion: We're Doomed

aidsplot.1

AIDS as a Weapon of War, by Dr. William Campbell Douglas, M.D. (August 16, 1990)

aidtruth.hum

Massive Rant about how AIDS will destroy the world in 1995. Oops!

alicia.txt

STORY: The Fringe Benefits

allwant.mag

Getting All You Want, by Roger Victor

amanda01.txt

Massive Incest Story with Weird Explanatory Text Beforehand

amanda02.txt

Incentual Sex File with Large Explanation Beforehand

amanda03.txt

Amanda Takes on Dad, Poker Buddies, and Now an Entire Barroom! She must be tired.

amerspor.hum

The Dungeon Master presents "American Sportswoman"

ann&bob.sty

The Story of Ann and Bob

armyaids.txt

Designer Diseases: AIDS As Biological and Psychological Warfare

arose.sty

Ed and Rose's Adventures in Swinging

arose2.sty

As it says "Wife is tied, fucked, and used by three horny men"

artofsex.hum

One of the Worst: The Art of Sex, by The Cloaked Warrior

artosex2.hum

Another One of the Worst: The Art of Sex II, by Cloaked Warrior

asiaa_2.sty

Amy, the Thai Tease by Gerry Kanne, Part 2

babyhave.hum

Humorous perspective on having a baby. (Man's Perspective)

bases.txt

A Newly Revised Guide to the Bases

bear_cod.txt

The Natural Bears Classification System, by Bob Donahue, 3/24/1991

beastiality.txt

The Complete Guide to Beastiality and Necro-Beastiality by Nuclear Deth

bedgolf.jok

The Rules for Bedroom Golf

beefstar.hum

The only Beef Porno Story I have.

billie.txt

Billie and her adventures in the Winnebago

blinddates.txt

More than Fifty Ways to Get Rid of Blind Dates and Other Social Catastophies

boat.txt

Sex Princess Sort of Writes Out Some Amount of Eroticism

bon&disc.fun

Heidi's Stories of Bondage and Discipline

boobs1

One Mammogram Please: Well Done, Hold the Onions, by Del Freeman

boobs2

The Fun Never Stops, by Del Freeman (Mammogram Column)

boobs3

Homestyle Boobs, by Del Freeman (Mammogram)

brady.bunch

The Brady Bunch by Dick Cheese and Stu!

brady.txt

Brady: A Special Family Story

brother.txt

Brotherly Love (Incest)

byeprsnt.txt

A Really Nice Goodbye Present

camp.txt

STORY: An Experience at Camp, by The Storyteller

camptrip.txt

The Camping Trip

carlinis.txt

Carlinisms: Result of a Human Sexuality Survey of Sexual Slang

celibacy.jok

Man Page for Celibacy

chateau.txt

The Chateau

chester.fun

Chester the Molester's Guide to Picking Up Little Girls

cindy.txt

Cindy Does Her Best Friend's Dad, by Steve Jensen

circ.txt

Circumcision by the Associated Press

circbook.txt

CIRCUMCISION: What It Does, by Billy Ray Boyd;

circhst1.txt

Our British Heritage and the Sword of Islam

circlist.txt

Large list of Celebrities and who is Circumcised and Who is Not

circum.txt

Circumcision, an Overview, by Geoffrey Francis

circums.hum

Information on Circumcision

clothes.pin

Everything You Ever Want to Know about Clothespins as a Sexual Device

colors.sex

Your Favorite Color is the Key to your Sexual Life

comlust.txt

Computer Lust Story

cond.txt

List of Possible Slogans for National Condom Week

condom.stp

Condoms Stop AIDS Virus, by Bob K.

condoms.txt

List of Possible Slogans Promoting National Condom Week

contract.txt

The Contract of Love (To be signed by the Guy)

cookie.txt

32 Reasons why Cookie Dough is Better than Men

crfaq.txt

The UnOfficial Chicken Ranch FAQ Version 0.10 by Blake Wilfong (1994)

cucumber.hum

Cucumbers are better than men!

cucumber.jok

The "Why Cucumbers are Better than Men" List

desperat.sit

A Man's Guide to Self-Amusement, by David Segall

differen.jok

Men and women are NOT alike: The Proof! By Optimist Prime

differen.txt

NEWS BULLETIN - Men and women are NOT alike

doghow2.txt

A Women's Guide to Canine-Human Sex by Susie

doit.txt

JUST DO IT

eel.hum

How to Kill a South Dakota Eel

electron.txt

The Sex Life of the Electron, by D.C. Current

erolit5.hum

Erotic Literature #5

eroticbf.hum

The Erotic Buffett, from the Erotc Baker Cookbook

eskimo.nel

The Ballad of Eskimo Nell

evil.bondage

Evil Bondage: Phucks Phrom the Third Dimension by The Occultist (1987) (Badly Formatted)

evilbondage.txt

Evil Bondage: Phucks From the Third Dimension by The Occultist (1987)

exotictorture.txt

Exotic Torture Techniques: A Guide for the Beginner by Cyberpunk

farm.hum

My Uncle's Farm, by Emily Wescott

favorite.col

Your Favorite Colour is The Key To Your Sexual Life

favsexpo.hum

Sexual Preferences of Users That We All Know Well by Teeny Bopper and Surf Rat

fellatio.txt

How to Suck Cock: A 14 Lesson Tutorial With Techniques from Some of the Experts

female.txt

JOKES: A Collection of Tastleless Jokes about Women

female_t.est

The Female Purity Test

finland.txt

The Official Minnesota Finlander's Sex Quiz

foreanal.txt

Rectal Foreign Bodies: Case Reports and a Comprehensive Review of the World's Literature

frs

Information on a Case of Scrotum Self-Repair

fuck.your.hand

Fucking Your Hand, by Mr. Sex

fuckdead.txt

How to Fuck the Dead (All Caps, Satire)

fuckingyourhand.txt

Fucking Your Hand, by Mr. Sex

galfrnds.txt

The 9 Types of Girlfriends, from Matt Groening's "Life in Hell"

gay_laws.txt

Lesbian and Gay Rights Law Enters New Stage (April 27, 1989)

gay_sold.law

Appeals Court Orders Reinstatment of Gay Soldier (May 5, 1989)

gaypagan.rul

Rules for the Gay and Lesbian Pagans chat list

gaywo

List of Gay Women from history

gender.dic

Sexual Identity and Gender Identity Glossary

gerbilstuffing.txt

Gerbil Stuffing, from the Straight Dope, typed by Ali Kent (May 26, 1989)

getaids.txt

Can AIDS Threaten You? By Phoebe Courtney

girls.guide

Sources say: A Girl's Guide To Condoms by Mimi Coucher

girls.hum

Las Vegas Singles Expose - November 1985

girls.txt

Why Must Girls Squat to Pee

glbo_lis.txt

Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual Historical and Celebrity Figures (January 1993)

golf.txt

The Rules for Indoor Golf, with Additional Comments from a Course Owner

goodwife.hum

goodwife.hum

gourmet.sex

Little Oral Annie's Guide to Gourmet Sex

gourmetsex.txt

The Little Oral Annie's Guide to Gourmet Sex

govtaids.txt

AIDS: A Man Made Monster? by The Geheim Magazine

guide.beastiali

The Complete Guide to Beastiality and Necro-Beastiality by Nuclear Deth

guilt.txt

Guilt Without Sex: A Quick Guideline

helldate.jok

The Orange County Register reports on Dates From Hell

holmes.txt

An Ode to John Holmes, Porno Star Extrardinaire

honeymoo.pra

PRACTICING FOR THEIR HONEYMOON by Jan Harold Brunvand (An Urban Legend)

horse.sic

The Foremost How To on Having Sex with Horses

hostess.txt

Party Girlie, by J. Boswell

how.fuck.dead

How to Fuck the Dead by The Necrophiliac and the Blade of Neon Knights

howpussy.txt

How the Pussy Was Built (You go, fellas)

hsg.txt

High School Girls discover the infinite realm of naughty bits

indoor.golf

The Official Rules of Indoor Golf

indoorgf.hum

The Rules of Indoor Golf

infert.fun

The mechanics of Infertility

insanityc.txt

Keeping Insanity in the Closet! By The Weatherman of Metallica Mafia (April 13th, 1988)

interace.txt

Results of an Interracial Relationship Survey

kamasut.txt

The Love Teachings of Kama Sutra by Vatasyayana

kamasutra.txt

The Love Teachings of the Kama Sutra

karen.sex

Letter: Karen Fucks Her Little Brother: Is This Right?

lambskin.txt

A Girl's Guide to Condoms by Mimi Coucher

latrine.duty

Latrine Duty, by Mark E. Dassad (1993)

latrineduty.txt

Latrine Duty: It's Not About Violence, it's not about Sex, it's about Violent Sex by Mark E. Dassad

lawssex.hum

Murphy's Laws of Sex

lay-girl.txt

The Complete Guide of Laying a Girl V1.1

lesbian.dic

The LesBiGay and Transgender Glossary

libraryd.txt

They Got the Sexual Deviances Right in Order!

linestog.txt

Collection of Pickup Lines

lorry.hum

Lorry the Babysitter (Erotic Fiction)

lovebyte.txt

Love Bytes, or Sex and the Single operator

lvb.txt

A Guide to Las Vegas Brothels, by George Tews

male_t.est

The Male Purity Test

manhood.jok

The Road to Manhood, a List by Matt Groening

massage.txt

ALT.SEX.WIZARDS Chimes in with Suggested Erotic Massage

masturb.txt

Masturbation Techniques and Info (1986)

masturbation

Masturbation Techniques and Information (1986)

mc1.txt

The Marauding Cock of Lubbock Presents: I Fucked the South-Plains Maid of Cotton

menstral.txt

Male Menstration: The Truth

menvswoment.txt

Men Vs. Women: An Overview

menwomen.txt

Men and Women are NOT Alike!

mm-test.txt

Mortified Matchmakers Love Questionairre III (The Collegate Version)

mojo_cha.txt

Shannon French's Sex Rant

mormast.txt

From a Guide to Mormon Youth: Guide to Self-Control: Overcoming Masturbation

mormon.txt

Some Steps in Overcoming Masturbation by Mark E. Petersen of the Council of the 12 Apostles

multi.txt

More Rude Stuff from Nikolai and Kelanie: Welcome to the Team

murfssex.txt

Murphy's Laws on Sex

murph.sex

Murphy's Laws on Sex

myrape.txt

The Night I became a Woman, by Joseph Wilson

nasty.txt

The Nasty Girl: A List

nipples.txt

Polished Nipples, or the DeKlein of Western Civilization

oralsex1.txt

A Guide to Oral Sex, by Anonymous

oralsex2.txt

A Guide to Oral Sex, by Anonymous (Part II)

orson.txt

Orson Scott Card on "The Hypocrites of Homosexuality"

paper.jok

The Fax Message That Has Sex With You

party.fun

Mike Goes Out to a Party

peepingt.txt

You can be a peeping Tom without getting caught! By Brutus Maccabee (July 11, 1988)

peepntom.fun

Thorough Insight on how to be a successful peeping tom.

penthse.txt

Joining the Penthouse Petline Network

personal.per

A Couple Personals from the HorseFeathers BBS

pervert.lbry.1

The Perverts of Doom Present The Perverts Library #1: When Father Was Away by Leper Penis (July 5, 1989)

pervert.lbry.2

The Perverts of Doom Present Whore Story, by Funky Fish Vagina (July 5, 1989)

pervert.lbry.3

The Perverts of Doom Present Jism Baptism by Leper Penis (July 5, 1989)

pervert.lbry.4

The Perverts of Doom Present Loading Zone by Leper Penis (September 15, 1991)

pervertsofdoom2.txt

The Pervert's Library #2: Whore Story by Funky Fish Vagina (July 5, 1989)

pervertsofdoom3.txt

The Pervert's Library #3: Jism Baptism by Leper Penis (July 5, 1989)

pervertsofdoom4.txt

The Pervert's Library #4: Loading Zone by Leper Penis (September 15, 1991)

phonsex.hum

Penthouse's Phone Sex Lines

pickup.lin

The Canonical List of Male Pickup Lines

pickup.txt

The 1984 Collection of Killer Pickup Lines

pj.spa

Filmography of Porn Star P.J. Sparkx

playboy.l1

Large List of Playboy Playmates from 1960-1991

playgirl.jok

Disheartening PLAYGIRL Rejection Letter

polyamor.txt

Very Large File on Just How Rockin' Polyamory is

pool.txt

A little fun by the Pool by The Sex Princess

porn

The Erotic Story of Maria

porn.fav

The 1993 Survey for All Time Best XXX Actress

prinnude.hum

The Princeton Naked Run a Big Success

prostitutefaq.txt

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) List on Legal Prostitution in Nevada Version 1.0 (November 20, 1994)

prudes.txt

Prudes and Virgins Digest (1988)

purebred.cht

The List of Purebred Domestic Cats

purity.100

The 100 Question Purity Test

purity.15k

The 1500 Point Purity Test

purity.400

The Unisex, Omnisexual Purity Test Version 3.5A 1985

purity.500

The Unisex, Omnisexual Purity Test Version 4.0 (500) 1988

purity.txt

The Omnisex Unisexual Purity Test Version 5.2 Final Release (September 15, 1992)

reasons4.jok

Some Reasons to Have Sex

rectum.txt

Looking for Love In all The Wrong Places...

rest.in.pieces

Rest In Pieces, from the Carrion AE

rocksex.hum

OH GOD WE HAD SO MUCH SEX

sam.fox

Filmography of Samantha Fox, Porn Star

samfox.txt

Samantha Fox: The Life Story!

sayno.txt

101 Easy Ways to Say No

seduce.hum

Three Places to Easily Seduce Your Girlfriend

seminars.2

Seminars Offered for the Female Staff

seminars.3

MORE Seminars for the Female Staff

seminars.wom

Seminars for the Male Staff

sex-cars.faq

Dekhyr Dragon's Guide to Sex with Cars (for males)

sex.for

Sexual Consent Form for Two Individuals, Version 1.0.2

sex_and.cal

The Dieter's Guide to Weight Loss During Sex

sexcolor.txt

Your Favorite Color is the Key to your Sexual Life

sexdrur&.hum

Pointdexter Smallpecker's Guide to Sex Drugs and Rock and Roll

sexedprm.txt

Sex Education Not Linked to promiscuity, December 16, 1993

sexhar.txt

The Sexual Harassment Consent Form

sexquiz.txt

The Roble Hall Purity Test

sexsata2.hum

Cock of Flame: Sex with Satan part II

sexsatan.hum

Sex with Satan, by Psychoe.

sextest.txt

The Unisex Omnisexual Purity Test Version 3.5A (400) (April 13, 1985)

sextxt.hum

What NOT to name your dog

sexual_t.qui

The Sexual Tension Quiz (Two Answers, Sexual and Not)

sexwiz.faq

The Official Alt.Sex.Wizards FAQ File with Answers

sexx.jok

The .plan File of Life

sexy.fun

ALL YOU WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT SEX!!!11!!!!

sexy.txt

All You Ever Wanted to Know About Sex!!

sexydogs.txt

A Dog Named "Sex". Massively morphed file of the original (old) joke.

shaving.txt

The Pleasures of Shaving, by GunErekt

snagging.chicks

Snagging Chicks by Darkside 444 and White Shark

snaggingchicks.txt

Snagging Chicks from the Flaming Toilet BBS

solomon.sng

The Song of Solomon - Erotic poetry at its finest

sorority.txt

The Canonical List of Sorority Girl Jokes

squid.pur

The Official, Sanctioned DoD Squid Purity Test(tm), February 1993

stork_vs.rep

Ovulation Versus Cretinism: The Debate Rages On

strip.rv

Very Large List of Nationwide Strip Clubs

stupwife.hum

Stoopid Wives, by L.E. Pirate

sweet16.txt

Thumper, by Dave Read

syphilis

Syphillis: Effects and General Information by Suicidal Maniac

syphilis.txt

Syphilis: Effects of and General Information by Suicidal Maniac of Dirty Bird's Nest BBS

tacos.txt

27 Reasons Why Tacos Are Better Than Women

talebdho.hum

Tales of a Bored Housewife

test!.fun

100-Question Purity Test

testsex.txt

The Kinky Test!

the_date.txt

The Ultimate Date (Erotica)

therules.txt

THE RULES: Respect the Female!

titnames.hum

The Complete Tit File

tits.hum

Head Honcho Presents Tits For Free

titstard.hum

Barney Badass's Tits On The Tardis

tortures.txt

A Few Cruel and Unusual Tortures That Women Perpetrate on Men

toughluv.hum

Tough love For Singles, by Dr. James Dobson

tracilords.txt

A Complete List of All of Traci Lords' Adult Films

trojan.asc

The Trojan Condom Company Writes a Helpful Letter

unisex.test

The Unisex Exprience Test

unisex_t.est

The Unisex Experience Test (Seems to be a precursour to a Purity Test)

vibrafaq.txt

The Vibrators FAQ

waysayno.txt

100 Easy Ways to Say No

what!.fun

Live Sex In Concert

whodo.hum

Everybody Does It!

whybeer.txt

Why Beer is Better than Women

wife.txt

To My Loving Wife, The Seductions of the Past Year

wifeslut.txt

The Wife Slut Program: A Course For Candidates To Discover Who They Are Sexually

wifespk.txt

Wifespeak Translations

wmnhood.jok

The Road to Womanhood, by Matt Groening

woman.txt

Chemical Analysis of the Woman Element (WO)

women.jok

David Crist's Truths about Women, 1989

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