T E X T F I L E S
Sex, Sex Humor and Sexuality
Here are all files dealing with that most universal of concepts: Sex. This
was obviously at the foremost of many a young mind using BBSes. Perhaps
surprising (or not at all), sexual activity was kind of ancilliary to the
whole online experience, since what impressed people was what you could
accomplish online, not in bed. But the longings of adolescents everywhere
is evident in all sorts of files written during this period.
Probably the most humorous files were the "Sex Guides", purporting to be
tracts that would guarantee sexual activity for all those who read them,
and obviously written by people who had never or seldom experienced
any activity themselves.
Besides the erotic stories, dirty jokes, and the Purity Tests (which are
an event in themselves), you can find articles and information about
sexually transmitted diseases, and other health issues, which are
informative about living a good life after you get over this "have sex
with anything that says yes" phase.
A small site note:
Obviously, with any web site mentioning sex and sexual activites, you're
guaranteed hit upon hit as people looking for some sort of "dirty pictures"
or erotic enlightment stumble upon your poor text-only page. To those people,
I take their time to say <A HREF="http://www.textfiles.com/support">"Buy a
T-shirt"</A>. Thank you.
EROTICA
Erotic Writings, Stories, Narratives, and Just Plain Smut
052496h1.txt
Who, Really, is At Risk of Acquiring AIDS? By Maggie Gallagher (May 24, 1996)
500pure.txt
The Unisex, Omnisexual PURITY TEST, Version 4.0, Final Release
808-cass.txt
Cassandra's Adventure, by 808 State (1991)
808-laid.txt
How to Get Laid on the First Date by 808 State (1991)
808-lust.txt
Lust in the Chapel by 808 State (1991)
808-next.txt
The Next Door Neighbour, by 808 State (1991)
808-ppro.txt
Partytown Pro, by 808 State (1991)
808-rebe.txt
Rebellion, by 808 State (1991)
808-spoi.txt
The Spoilt Brat, by 808 State (1991)
9_types_.gir
The 9 Types of Boyfriends and Girlfriends, from Matt Groening
a-p_fone.txt
Erotica: The Telephone
a-scene.txt
A Scene, by theClone (1991)
a_friend.txt
A Friend in Need, by Phil Phantom
a_guide_.wom
A Guide to Love and Sex for Today's Young Women
a_ride.txt
A Ride, by Anonymous (Threesome)
a_swap.txt
A Swap, by Anonymous (Threesome)
aacockpt.txt
An American Airlines Cockpit, by M.A. Mohanraj (Threesome)
aaden.txt
Aaden's Revenge by Elf Mathieu (1994)
aadendnc.txt
Aaden's Dance, by Elf Mathieu Sternberg (1994)
abbs9302.txt
Norman Brown's Consolidated List of AIDS/HIV Bulletin Boards 1 February 1993
abusebib.txt
Bibliography for Adult Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse and Their Allies
adam.gph
The Pirate's Cove Erotic Poem "Adam and Eve"
affectio.txt
Cultivating Affection in Your Marriage, by Willard F. Harley Jr., Ph. D. 1987
aids-war.txt
AIDS as a Weapon of War by Dr. William Campbell Douglas, M.D.
aids.mar
The AIDS Mary Urban Legend, and a Variation
aids.sg
Understanding AIDS, a message from the Surgeon General
aids.txt
Who's Making Money Out of AIDS? by Steve Painter
aids02.txt
AIDS: Spread Facts, not Fear
aids10.txt
Conspiracy Theories regarding Government Creation of the AIDS Virus
aids2.txt
Extremely Large AIDS "Facts" File. Conclusion: We're Doomed
aidsplot.1
AIDS as a Weapon of War, by Dr. William Campbell Douglas, M.D. (August 16, 1990)
aidtruth.hum
Massive Rant about how AIDS will destroy the world in 1995. Oops!
alicia.txt
STORY: The Fringe Benefits
allwant.mag
Getting All You Want, by Roger Victor
amanda01.txt
Massive Incest Story with Weird Explanatory Text Beforehand
amanda02.txt
Incentual Sex File with Large Explanation Beforehand
amanda03.txt
Amanda Takes on Dad, Poker Buddies, and Now an Entire Barroom! She must be tired.
amerspor.hum
The Dungeon Master presents "American Sportswoman"
ann&bob.sty
The Story of Ann and Bob
armyaids.txt
Designer Diseases: AIDS As Biological and Psychological Warfare
arose.sty
Ed and Rose's Adventures in Swinging
arose2.sty
As it says "Wife is tied, fucked, and used by three horny men"
artofsex.hum
One of the Worst: The Art of Sex, by The Cloaked Warrior
artosex2.hum
Another One of the Worst: The Art of Sex II, by Cloaked Warrior
asiaa_2.sty
Amy, the Thai Tease by Gerry Kanne, Part 2
babyhave.hum
Humorous perspective on having a baby. (Man's Perspective)
bases.txt
A Newly Revised Guide to the Bases
bear_cod.txt
The Natural Bears Classification System, by Bob Donahue, 3/24/1991
beastiality.txt
The Complete Guide to Beastiality and Necro-Beastiality by Nuclear Deth
bedgolf.jok
The Rules for Bedroom Golf
beefstar.hum
The only Beef Porno Story I have.
billie.txt
Billie and her adventures in the Winnebago
blinddates.txt
More than Fifty Ways to Get Rid of Blind Dates and Other Social Catastophies
boat.txt
Sex Princess Sort of Writes Out Some Amount of Eroticism
bon&disc.fun
Heidi's Stories of Bondage and Discipline
boobs1
One Mammogram Please: Well Done, Hold the Onions, by Del Freeman
boobs2
The Fun Never Stops, by Del Freeman (Mammogram Column)
boobs3
Homestyle Boobs, by Del Freeman (Mammogram)
brady.bunch
The Brady Bunch by Dick Cheese and Stu!
brady.txt
Brady: A Special Family Story
brother.txt
Brotherly Love (Incest)
byeprsnt.txt
A Really Nice Goodbye Present
camp.txt
STORY: An Experience at Camp, by The Storyteller
camptrip.txt
The Camping Trip
carlinis.txt
Carlinisms: Result of a Human Sexuality Survey of Sexual Slang
celibacy.jok
Man Page for Celibacy
chateau.txt
The Chateau
chester.fun
Chester the Molester's Guide to Picking Up Little Girls
cindy.txt
Cindy Does Her Best Friend's Dad, by Steve Jensen
circ.txt
Circumcision by the Associated Press
circbook.txt
CIRCUMCISION: What It Does, by Billy Ray Boyd;
circhst1.txt
Our British Heritage and the Sword of Islam
circlist.txt
Large list of Celebrities and who is Circumcised and Who is Not
circum.txt
Circumcision, an Overview, by Geoffrey Francis
circums.hum
Information on Circumcision
clothes.pin
Everything You Ever Want to Know about Clothespins as a Sexual Device
colors.sex
Your Favorite Color is the Key to your Sexual Life
comlust.txt
Computer Lust Story
cond.txt
List of Possible Slogans for National Condom Week
condom.stp
Condoms Stop AIDS Virus, by Bob K.
condoms.txt
List of Possible Slogans Promoting National Condom Week
contract.txt
The Contract of Love (To be signed by the Guy)
cookie.txt
32 Reasons why Cookie Dough is Better than Men
crfaq.txt
The UnOfficial Chicken Ranch FAQ Version 0.10 by Blake Wilfong (1994)
cucumber.hum
Cucumbers are better than men!
cucumber.jok
The "Why Cucumbers are Better than Men" List
desperat.sit
A Man's Guide to Self-Amusement, by David Segall
differen.jok
Men and women are NOT alike: The Proof! By Optimist Prime
differen.txt
NEWS BULLETIN - Men and women are NOT alike
doghow2.txt
A Women's Guide to Canine-Human Sex by Susie
doit.txt
JUST DO IT
eel.hum
How to Kill a South Dakota Eel
electron.txt
The Sex Life of the Electron, by D.C. Current
erolit5.hum
Erotic Literature #5
eroticbf.hum
The Erotic Buffett, from the Erotc Baker Cookbook
eskimo.nel
The Ballad of Eskimo Nell
evil.bondage
Evil Bondage: Phucks Phrom the Third Dimension by The Occultist (1987) (Badly Formatted)
evilbondage.txt
Evil Bondage: Phucks From the Third Dimension by The Occultist (1987)
exotictorture.txt
Exotic Torture Techniques: A Guide for the Beginner by Cyberpunk
farm.hum
My Uncle's Farm, by Emily Wescott
favorite.col
Your Favorite Colour is The Key To Your Sexual Life
favsexpo.hum
Sexual Preferences of Users That We All Know Well by Teeny Bopper and Surf Rat
fellatio.txt
How to Suck Cock: A 14 Lesson Tutorial With Techniques from Some of the Experts
female.txt
JOKES: A Collection of Tastleless Jokes about Women
female_t.est
The Female Purity Test
finland.txt
The Official Minnesota Finlander's Sex Quiz
foreanal.txt
Rectal Foreign Bodies: Case Reports and a Comprehensive Review of the World's Literature
frs
Information on a Case of Scrotum Self-Repair
fuck.your.hand
Fucking Your Hand, by Mr. Sex
fuckdead.txt
How to Fuck the Dead (All Caps, Satire)
fuckingyourhand.txt
Fucking Your Hand, by Mr. Sex
galfrnds.txt
The 9 Types of Girlfriends, from Matt Groening's "Life in Hell"
gay_laws.txt
Lesbian and Gay Rights Law Enters New Stage (April 27, 1989)
gay_sold.law
Appeals Court Orders Reinstatment of Gay Soldier (May 5, 1989)
gaypagan.rul
Rules for the Gay and Lesbian Pagans chat list
gaywo
List of Gay Women from history
gender.dic
Sexual Identity and Gender Identity Glossary
gerbilstuffing.txt
Gerbil Stuffing, from the Straight Dope, typed by Ali Kent (May 26, 1989)
getaids.txt
Can AIDS Threaten You? By Phoebe Courtney
girls.guide
Sources say: A Girl's Guide To Condoms by Mimi Coucher
girls.hum
Las Vegas Singles Expose - November 1985
girls.txt
Why Must Girls Squat to Pee
glbo_lis.txt
Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual Historical and Celebrity Figures (January 1993)
golf.txt
The Rules for Indoor Golf, with Additional Comments from a Course Owner
goodwife.hum
goodwife.hum
gourmet.sex
Little Oral Annie's Guide to Gourmet Sex
gourmetsex.txt
The Little Oral Annie's Guide to Gourmet Sex
govtaids.txt
AIDS: A Man Made Monster? by The Geheim Magazine
guide.beastiali
The Complete Guide to Beastiality and Necro-Beastiality by Nuclear Deth
guilt.txt
Guilt Without Sex: A Quick Guideline
helldate.jok
The Orange County Register reports on Dates From Hell
holmes.txt
An Ode to John Holmes, Porno Star Extrardinaire
honeymoo.pra
PRACTICING FOR THEIR HONEYMOON by Jan Harold Brunvand (An Urban Legend)
horse.sic
The Foremost How To on Having Sex with Horses
hostess.txt
Party Girlie, by J. Boswell
how.fuck.dead
How to Fuck the Dead by The Necrophiliac and the Blade of Neon Knights
howpussy.txt
How the Pussy Was Built (You go, fellas)
hsg.txt
High School Girls discover the infinite realm of naughty bits
indoor.golf
The Official Rules of Indoor Golf
indoorgf.hum
The Rules of Indoor Golf
infert.fun
The mechanics of Infertility
insanityc.txt
Keeping Insanity in the Closet! By The Weatherman of Metallica Mafia (April 13th, 1988)
interace.txt
Results of an Interracial Relationship Survey
kamasut.txt
The Love Teachings of Kama Sutra by Vatasyayana
kamasutra.txt
The Love Teachings of the Kama Sutra
karen.sex
Letter: Karen Fucks Her Little Brother: Is This Right?
lambskin.txt
A Girl's Guide to Condoms by Mimi Coucher
latrine.duty
Latrine Duty, by Mark E. Dassad (1993)
latrineduty.txt
Latrine Duty: It's Not About Violence, it's not about Sex, it's about Violent Sex by Mark E. Dassad
lawssex.hum
Murphy's Laws of Sex
lay-girl.txt
The Complete Guide of Laying a Girl V1.1
lesbian.dic
The LesBiGay and Transgender Glossary
libraryd.txt
They Got the Sexual Deviances Right in Order!
linestog.txt
Collection of Pickup Lines
lorry.hum
Lorry the Babysitter (Erotic Fiction)
lovebyte.txt
Love Bytes, or Sex and the Single operator
lvb.txt
A Guide to Las Vegas Brothels, by George Tews
male_t.est
The Male Purity Test
manhood.jok
The Road to Manhood, a List by Matt Groening
massage.txt
ALT.SEX.WIZARDS Chimes in with Suggested Erotic Massage
masturb.txt
Masturbation Techniques and Info (1986)
masturbation
Masturbation Techniques and Information (1986)
mc1.txt
The Marauding Cock of Lubbock Presents: I Fucked the South-Plains Maid of Cotton
menstral.txt
Male Menstration: The Truth
menvswoment.txt
Men Vs. Women: An Overview
menwomen.txt
Men and Women are NOT Alike!
mm-test.txt
Mortified Matchmakers Love Questionairre III (The Collegate Version)
mojo_cha.txt
Shannon French's Sex Rant
mormast.txt
From a Guide to Mormon Youth: Guide to Self-Control: Overcoming Masturbation
mormon.txt
Some Steps in Overcoming Masturbation by Mark E. Petersen of the Council of the 12 Apostles
multi.txt
More Rude Stuff from Nikolai and Kelanie: Welcome to the Team
murfssex.txt
Murphy's Laws on Sex
murph.sex
Murphy's Laws on Sex
myrape.txt
The Night I became a Woman, by Joseph Wilson
nasty.txt
The Nasty Girl: A List
nipples.txt
Polished Nipples, or the DeKlein of Western Civilization
oralsex1.txt
A Guide to Oral Sex, by Anonymous
oralsex2.txt
A Guide to Oral Sex, by Anonymous (Part II)
orson.txt
Orson Scott Card on "The Hypocrites of Homosexuality"
paper.jok
The Fax Message That Has Sex With You
party.fun
Mike Goes Out to a Party
peepingt.txt
You can be a peeping Tom without getting caught! By Brutus Maccabee (July 11, 1988)
peepntom.fun
Thorough Insight on how to be a successful peeping tom.
penthse.txt
Joining the Penthouse Petline Network
personal.per
A Couple Personals from the HorseFeathers BBS
pervert.lbry.1
The Perverts of Doom Present The Perverts Library #1: When Father Was Away by Leper Penis (July 5, 1989)
pervert.lbry.2
The Perverts of Doom Present Whore Story, by Funky Fish Vagina (July 5, 1989)
pervert.lbry.3
The Perverts of Doom Present Jism Baptism by Leper Penis (July 5, 1989)
pervert.lbry.4
The Perverts of Doom Present Loading Zone by Leper Penis (September 15, 1991)
pervertsofdoom2.txt
The Pervert's Library #2: Whore Story by Funky Fish Vagina (July 5, 1989)
pervertsofdoom3.txt
The Pervert's Library #3: Jism Baptism by Leper Penis (July 5, 1989)
pervertsofdoom4.txt
The Pervert's Library #4: Loading Zone by Leper Penis (September 15, 1991)
phonsex.hum
Penthouse's Phone Sex Lines
pickup.lin
The Canonical List of Male Pickup Lines
pickup.txt
The 1984 Collection of Killer Pickup Lines
pj.spa
Filmography of Porn Star P.J. Sparkx
playboy.l1
Large List of Playboy Playmates from 1960-1991
playgirl.jok
Disheartening PLAYGIRL Rejection Letter
polyamor.txt
Very Large File on Just How Rockin' Polyamory is
pool.txt
A little fun by the Pool by The Sex Princess
porn
The Erotic Story of Maria
porn.fav
The 1993 Survey for All Time Best XXX Actress
prinnude.hum
The Princeton Naked Run a Big Success
prostitutefaq.txt
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) List on Legal Prostitution in Nevada Version 1.0 (November 20, 1994)
prudes.txt
Prudes and Virgins Digest (1988)
purebred.cht
The List of Purebred Domestic Cats
purity.100
The 100 Question Purity Test
purity.15k
The 1500 Point Purity Test
purity.400
The Unisex, Omnisexual Purity Test Version 3.5A 1985
purity.500
The Unisex, Omnisexual Purity Test Version 4.0 (500) 1988
purity.txt
The Omnisex Unisexual Purity Test Version 5.2 Final Release (September 15, 1992)
reasons4.jok
Some Reasons to Have Sex
rectum.txt
Looking for Love In all The Wrong Places...
rest.in.pieces
Rest In Pieces, from the Carrion AE
rocksex.hum
OH GOD WE HAD SO MUCH SEX
sam.fox
Filmography of Samantha Fox, Porn Star
samfox.txt
Samantha Fox: The Life Story!
sayno.txt
101 Easy Ways to Say No
seduce.hum
Three Places to Easily Seduce Your Girlfriend
seminars.2
Seminars Offered for the Female Staff
seminars.3
MORE Seminars for the Female Staff
seminars.wom
Seminars for the Male Staff
sex-cars.faq
Dekhyr Dragon's Guide to Sex with Cars (for males)
sex.for
Sexual Consent Form for Two Individuals, Version 1.0.2
sex_and.cal
The Dieter's Guide to Weight Loss During Sex
sexcolor.txt
Your Favorite Color is the Key to your Sexual Life
sexdrur&.hum
Pointdexter Smallpecker's Guide to Sex Drugs and Rock and Roll
sexedprm.txt
Sex Education Not Linked to promiscuity, December 16, 1993
sexhar.txt
The Sexual Harassment Consent Form
sexquiz.txt
The Roble Hall Purity Test
sexsata2.hum
Cock of Flame: Sex with Satan part II
sexsatan.hum
Sex with Satan, by Psychoe.
sextest.txt
The Unisex Omnisexual Purity Test Version 3.5A (400) (April 13, 1985)
sextxt.hum
What NOT to name your dog
sexual_t.qui
The Sexual Tension Quiz (Two Answers, Sexual and Not)
sexwiz.faq
The Official Alt.Sex.Wizards FAQ File with Answers
sexx.jok
The .plan File of Life
sexy.fun
ALL YOU WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT SEX!!!11!!!!
sexy.txt
All You Ever Wanted to Know About Sex!!
sexydogs.txt
A Dog Named "Sex". Massively morphed file of the original (old) joke.
shaving.txt
The Pleasures of Shaving, by GunErekt
snagging.chicks
Snagging Chicks by Darkside 444 and White Shark
snaggingchicks.txt
Snagging Chicks from the Flaming Toilet BBS
solomon.sng
The Song of Solomon - Erotic poetry at its finest
sorority.txt
The Canonical List of Sorority Girl Jokes
squid.pur
The Official, Sanctioned DoD Squid Purity Test(tm), February 1993
stork_vs.rep
Ovulation Versus Cretinism: The Debate Rages On
strip.rv
Very Large List of Nationwide Strip Clubs
stupwife.hum
Stoopid Wives, by L.E. Pirate
sweet16.txt
Thumper, by Dave Read
syphilis
Syphillis: Effects and General Information by Suicidal Maniac
syphilis.txt
Syphilis: Effects of and General Information by Suicidal Maniac of Dirty Bird's Nest BBS
tacos.txt
27 Reasons Why Tacos Are Better Than Women
talebdho.hum
Tales of a Bored Housewife
test!.fun
100-Question Purity Test
testsex.txt
The Kinky Test!
the_date.txt
The Ultimate Date (Erotica)
therules.txt
THE RULES: Respect the Female!
titnames.hum
The Complete Tit File
tits.hum
Head Honcho Presents Tits For Free
titstard.hum
Barney Badass's Tits On The Tardis
tortures.txt
A Few Cruel and Unusual Tortures That Women Perpetrate on Men
toughluv.hum
Tough love For Singles, by Dr. James Dobson
tracilords.txt
A Complete List of All of Traci Lords' Adult Films
trojan.asc
The Trojan Condom Company Writes a Helpful Letter
unisex.test
The Unisex Exprience Test
unisex_t.est
The Unisex Experience Test (Seems to be a precursour to a Purity Test)
vibrafaq.txt
The Vibrators FAQ
waysayno.txt
100 Easy Ways to Say No
what!.fun
Live Sex In Concert
whodo.hum
Everybody Does It!
whybeer.txt
Why Beer is Better than Women
wife.txt
To My Loving Wife, The Seductions of the Past Year
wifeslut.txt
The Wife Slut Program: A Course For Candidates To Discover Who They Are Sexually
wifespk.txt
Wifespeak Translations
wmnhood.jok
The Road to Womanhood, by Matt Groening
woman.txt
Chemical Analysis of the Woman Element (WO)
women.jok
David Crist's Truths about Women, 1989